My Calendar Is Full Of Other People's Urgent Emergencies

My Coworker Marks Every Email Urgent

Seneca Replies

Lucius Annaeus Seneca, Roman Stoic philosopher and statesman (c. 4 BC to AD 65)

Dear Alarmed in Albuquerque,

I have lived through exile on Corsica and a few emperors, and I can tell you that a missing stapler has never toppled an empire. Still, I admire your coworker's flair. Red ink! Here is the surprise, though: she is not your real problem. Your own pulse is, and that part you can train.

Notice what happens in the two seconds after you see the red flag. You have not read a word, yet your body is already bracing for disaster. I wrote to my friend Lucilius about exactly this. "We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality." The stapler email did no harm. The movie your mind played before opening it did all the damage.

So interrupt the movie. When a red flag arrives, take one slow breath and ask a plain question: what is actually being asked, and what happens if I answer in an hour? Usually the honest answer is nothing. Sort her messages by real consequence, not by color. You will find most of them are lunch, thermostats, and staplers. Reply to those when you are calm, not when you are startled.

This week, keep a tally. Next to each urgent email, write what actually happened when you answered it. By Friday you will have a small, convincing record that the sky stayed up. If one is ever truly urgent, you will know, because you will be calm enough to notice. The stapler, I suspect, is in her desk drawer.

— Seneca

Seneca was a Roman Stoic philosopher, playwright, and statesman who lived from about 4 BC to AD 65. He served as an advisor to the emperor Nero, was exiled to the island of Corsica for several years, and eventually died by order of Nero. He was also one of the wealthiest men in Rome. His Letters to Lucilius, written late in life, are warm, chatty essays on how to live well. They are still read because they sound like a wise friend talking, not a lecturer.

Try This Today

Before you open your next alarming message, pause and take three slow breaths. Then write one sentence on a sticky note: what is the worst thing that could realistically happen here? Once you have read the message, circle whether you were right. Do this for five messages this week. Most people discover the dread was much bigger than the actual problem, and the habit gets easier each time.

Your Turn

What small alarm in your day sends your heart racing before you have actually checked whether anything is wrong at all?